The name thing

Running around the Guardian website, I stumbled across this.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/gender/story/0,,2201073,00.html

I've had this conversation with several people (I know Adele will be hopping up and down at this point in time) about the whole "what do I do with my surname now that I'm divorced" thing, so this article really struck a chord - and made me giggle lots, which is always a good thing ;-)

I've had three surnames. My first was my father's, and I had this name from birth until age 8(ish) when my mum married my stepdad. Things were looking pretty rosy for them, and us kids took his surname, so I toted that one around for a while until I got married at 23, and then took my ex's name.

I said to Luke when we divorced, "changing your name is a pain in the arse, do you mind if I just keep yours?" to which he laughingly replied "ok". I mean, really, I've had the name for 10 years now, and I'm just as attached to it, or not-attached as the case may be, as I am my other 2 names.

So I considered going back to one of my old names (nah, no point), keeping Luke's (mmm... it'll do for now), or taking a completely random or cool name (Wollstonecraft? inspired, but...). I gave up on the whole idea, put it in the too-hard basket, and just learned to live with having a Lebanese surname even though I'm fairly obviously caucasian. Mostly what I dislike is having to explain to people why that is - people *do* ask, and I don't really feel comfortable dodging or fully answering the question.

It seems that there's a third option: no surname at all.

Hm.

How *does* one detach themselves from a name when there is no new name to replace the old one? And how does one go about this without looking like a bit of a twit?

I have much thinkage in which to immerse myself. Hm, and hm again.

Comments

[Adele]

What an interesting article!

I understand her intentions, which seem sound and valid, and congratulate her on them, but in my opinion 'impractical' doesn't begin to describe it.

As she points out, computers can't cope with a complete absence of surname. Yes I know some cultures traditionally have that, but most computer programs are written by Americans. :-) You'd have to be incredibly committed to this idea, the non-surname, to put up with all the trouble it would cause.

There is another alternative that she doesn't seem to have though of: making ones middle name into one's new surname. Sounds rather good, in my opinion...

[Catherine]

Hi stranger :)

I went from "maiden" name to 1st married name, back to maiden name, then took "current" husband's name a second time.

DH, on a previous marital adventure, melded his name with then-wife's maiden name with a hyphen.

He had ten times the trouble going back to his "bachelor" name post-divorce than I ever did with any of my changes.

Reverse sexism?

[Jejune]

When we got married we BOTH changed our surname - we used my hubby's middle name (which was a family surname), and signified our new life together with this new name!

Tricky to know what to do in your situation... my sister-in-law, prior to her third marriage (to my brother), decided to choose a new surname, and has kept it after marriage. So she's now Ms Summer! How cool is that? Or hot, LOL ;)

[Susan]

My husband has only one name. He is British born, Australian since early childhood. He dropped all his other names (middle name, surname, confirmation name) in the 1970s while living in QLD. He did not do anything "legal", he just started using one name. The only problem he had was with the police when he tried to change his driver's licence (back in the days when the police used to do driver things). They got the NSW police to check with his mother that that really was his name.

I don't know if you can still change your name without going through legal channels. He researched it thoroughly, as he didn't think he should have to pay or fill out a zillion forms.

His constant problem is with computer fields insisting on two names. As he is lectures programming and database design at university, this is very close to his heart. He is currently trying to get the ATO to recognise his one name with their online tax forms. After several years the ATO did accept his name, but this year they "revamped" the programme, and yet again they reject his form. We won't even get into hospital admissions!

He is a bit of a pedant (ha! understatement of the year) and he refuses to compromise his beliefs. He has one name. Many people in this country have one name, thanks to immigration and what-have-you. Fixing the computer problem is easy, it's the attitude of people that is difficult to alter.

He also refuses to identify himself as "mr", he just wants to be called by his name. This causes problems too!

I kept my name when we married, the children have my surname.

[Adele]

Susan: to the best of my knowledge - the result of 20 yrs in the banking industry - it isn't possible to permanently change your name without paperwork (unless you get married). If you start using another name, you will only be "known as" that name; it will only be an alias. Whatever is on your birth certificate, certificate of change of name or passport (which requires one or both of the previous two) is Your Official Name.

[Susan]

Adele: his name is just Simon now. This is official. It is on all documentation (except his birth certificate) - passports, medicare, children's birth certificates, citizenship, degrees, books, academic papers, marriage certificate, etc. He used the Common Law provision:

"A person may use a new name without any formal steps. At common law, a person will not actually change his or her name until the person has used and become known by the new name."

He just started using one name and told people of this. He then informed the various agencies that he was now Simon - tax, bank, bills, etc. He had no problem, apart from the Qld police. But this was the 70s. It might not be as easy to do today, what with the paranoia about security and needing massive ID just to open a bank account. So, today you might need to register the change with Births, Deaths and Marriages.

http://www.bdm.nsw.gov.au/changeName/changeName.htm

[Susan]

Forgot to say that when Simon's sister divorced she changed her surname too. She decided not to go back to her maiden name, instead she took her maternal grandmother's maiden name.

[Monica]

Yes, you are both right Adele and Susan within certain time frames - when I took my 2nd name back in the 80's, it was ok to use an alias and when it became the name that people knew you by, it became your name legally. This caused many problems for me, however, when I was married in the 90's - the law had changed by then, and now you do indeed need a Change of Name certificate. I had to apply for one of these after I was married, since my marriage certificate was useless, since it used a name that was never "official". Very annoying (and somewhat expensive - I think the certificate is about $100). But annoying or not, the single name option is looking pretty smexy right now. Hehe. How cool it would be to just have one name! (incidentally, this is how I've signed my name for many years now - it's just "monica", and that's all)

[Dave]

Why not try Eminem? Or Ememinem? LOL

[Marilyn]

I will weigh in on this name thing. When I was married, I was already known by one name, had written articles, conducted workshops etc. so I decided to keep my name and continue. I left the field started into a new venture and continued to meet old friends, peers because I could be found. That wouldn't have happened for me if I became Mrs. wifey... I am glad I didn't change my name.

[Tinkingbell]

Yup - kept the one name (my father's - but also my mother's grandfather's (Davies is a fairly common welsh name) - and when we married I kept my name - no drama - sometimes Husby is Mr Davies, sometimes I'm called Mrs X but generally no prob - a Swedish friend of mine was the last of her 'line' and her husband (one of 4 brothers) changed his name to hers so the kids would have her name - a situation unlikely to happen in Aus!